My Only Friend
by MacabreMonster
Summary: Regina is hurt and ends up hurting herself. There is though, only one person who cares for her. His name is Dimitri (Original Character) and he isn't even real. Rated M for Trigger Warning: Self harm and suicidal ideation.
1. Chapter 1

**This is part contains ****self harm****. If you are going to be ****triggered don't read. **

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Regina leaned on the counter in the kitchen. She held a wine glass in her hand. She had at little too much to drink. She was drinking away memory of her day. She couldn't leave her own home without someone wanting to mock, taunt, beat, or kill her. Henry was living with Emma now and Regina just needed a break from the trial called life. Every night she would lay in her bed while looking at the ceiling and thinking about the things that have gone wrong in her life.

That night though, Regina sat on her bed in her usual silk pajamas. She looked into nothingness and then to her arm. Her nails were long and sharp enough; so she scratched. She pushed down as she clawed at her skin. Soon she scratched hard and long enough that blood began to rush out of her arm. Then a hand touched her sore arm. This made Regina jump and wince.

She looked at the person and they were translucent. It was a young tan man about her age. He had dark brown hair and ice blue eyes. "Who the hell are you," she asked. He smiled at her as he tended to her arm. "My name is Dimitri. You created me. I'm the good in you that being tortured. I'm here to help you." He replied sweetly. Regina didn't know if she should be comforted or worried.

"I know why you are hurting. You feel hated so you shut yourself off from the world. You hate yourself even more then they hate you. You feel horrible and the pain is too much, right?" Regina nodded at him as he spoke. "It's okay you can open up to me. I'm not even fully real." He encouraged Regina to speak her mind. After a few moments she finally opened up. She had nothing left to lose."I feel worthless. I did horrible things. I've lost my son, my mother, and my lover. I feel like I have nothing left but a dark empty heart. Which is true, my heart is black as coal. I don't deserve anything good. I'm waiting for what I deserve to break down my door and kill me." Regina was crying by the end if her mild monologue. Regina was so raw and true to these words.

Dimitri, though transparent like a ghost, held her. He stroked her hair and shushed her, trying to calm her. Eventually it worked.

Regina didn't bother to try to heal her arm with magic. She just let Dimitri wrap it in fabric bandages. She could see the blood seep through slightly. Regina didn't sleep at all. She laid in bed and her imaginary friend Dimitri kept her company. He sat in a chair in her room while she sat on her bed. Then Regina spoke with a horse voice, "I feel alone. I am alone... Nobody wants me around...not even Henry." Then she whispers, "I don't want me around..."

She fell asleep in her bed and awoke to a bleak day. There was a note on her end table. It read: _Regina, I scheduled you an appointment today with Dr. Hopper. Trust me please? It'll be for the better_. Regina sighed and rolled her eyes. She got dressed and ready for the day. Dimitri was nowhere to be found. She was changing her bandages when a knock came to the door. She quickly finished tending to it and rushed to the door.

When it opened she was surprised. It was Emma. Regina hadn't covered her bandages well and Emma took notice. "What happened to your arm?" Regina did a mental face shooed Emma by saying she feel and scratched up her arm. Then she closed the door in Emma's face.

Later that day she arrived at Dr. Hopper's office. She took a few nervous steps towards the door. When her hand almost hit the door, it opened. "Hello Regina," Dr. Hopper said while a small smile. He let her in and she took hesitant steps to the sofa. As she sat down he began to talk. "What has been bothering you Regina," he asked. She took a few moments to figure out how to express what has happened. She simply pulled up the sleeve of her jacket and removes the bandages. "What made you do this?" Dr. Hopper looked very concerned for Regina. She answered with one word, "Pain." He continued with his questions, and then Dimitri came up.

"So you're seeing a man who looks like a ghost, who talks to you, and tended to your scratches?" Regina was nervous about saying yes, but she did anyways. He looked even more concerned now. The Evil Queen seeing things? He thought Regina was losing it.

Regina went to the pharmacy to pick up her medications she was prescribed. Everyone there gave her stares. She was so paranoid someone was going to say something or do something to her. She was diagnosed as clinically depressed and it was changing her, as it does every person. Once she got into her car she saw Henry get off the bus. Her heart began to hurt. The pain was back. Tears started to flow from her eyes.

"Hey why are you crying love," said a voice calmly. It made Regina jump until she knew who it was. "Damn you Dimitri," she grumbled as she turned the car on.

They drove back to her mansion. Once inside she ran to her room and locked the door. She took off her jacket and threw it aside and fell onto the bed. She sat up and unwrapped her bandages. Her arm was barely healed and was extremely itchy. She went to mess with it but Dimitri caught her hand. "Come on, you don't need to do that." He smiled brightly at her. She could tell he was sincere. He sat down next to her and hugged her. She shrugged him off her. "Yes, yes I do." He soon faded as she started to mess with her arm and scabs.

Regina somewhat took pleasure in the pain. She was able to feel something that didn't haunt her in the moment. It distracted her too. She was able to destroy her frustration, but unfortunately destroyed her skin too. Then Dimitri grabbed her right arm and pulled it away from her cuts. He fingers were red with blood and so was her arm. He looked serious and upset.

After he dragged her into the bathroom to clean up he asked her, "Why?" Regina didn't look at him while washing herself off. "It itched, it wanted to be hurt, I needed to get it out. My pain of losing my son. I needed to be distracted." She cleaned her wounds and Dimitri wrapped them. The rest of the day was lazy as usual.

That night Regina took her meds for depression append hallucinations before she ate alone. She was feeling lonely again. "Mind if I join you," Dimitri asked as he sataz down next to her. Regina gave him a semi smile. She finally had someone who cared for her, even though he was imaginary. They laughed a little bit over corny jokes that Regina couldn't help but laugh at how stupid they were. Then she got ready for bed. Dimitri checked in with her asking if she was alright to be alone until she was asleep.

Regina was silent. Dimitri opened his arms and hugged her. He was only a few inches taller then her. She rested her head on him and he kissed her head. Then Regina was weirded out but she ignored it. She felt safe in his arms. She went to bed without a tear for once.


	2. Chapter 2

**This part can be very triggering! READ WITH CAUTION:**

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Regina woke your to the smell of food. She walked down into the kitchen and Dimitri was cooking eggs. She really thought she was going crazy. "So how did the queen sleep," he joked. She crossed her arms and said, "fine," sternly. His smile disappeared. He didn't say another word until he places the eggs for Regina on the table. "What's wrong Regina," he asked as he sat next to her. He sat fairly close too. Regina didn't speak or touch her food.

"Regina, what is wrong?" Dimitri spoke slowly and strongly. Regina just shook her head side to side, trying to ignore him. "Regina..." Dimitri went to touch her shoulder but she swatted his hand away. "You're not real!" she sounded more confused then upset. She wanted to pretend she didn't care that she was talking to a phantom imagination, but she did. She got up and went to take her meds which she was suppose to take twice a day. She took her medicine and looked back at the table. Dimitri was gone. A sigh escaped her. She thought her probably might be gone if her left.

Her assumption about her problems were the exact opposite. She felt somewhat better as the days went by, but her depression still fought full force. Regina would sit in he bedroom or really anywhere in her mansion and just lazy around. She had no energy. "I'm such a fuck up..." she would whisper a few times. She truly felt like one. She thought she wouldn't have had any of these problems if she just obeyed her mother all those years ago. If she had just been obedient.

Regina's self harm turned from just deep scratches into carvings. She carved the words 'evil' in big letters and 'hopeless' in small ones. She felt no pain when she did it. It stung but it wasn't a painful sting. It was just a sensation that grounded her. It made her feel real and not a forgotten memory. Regina had to throw away many clothes because they were bloodstained or the blood wouldn't come out in the wash.

Throughout all this Dimitri was no where to be found. She felt abandoned. Regina knew he wasn't real but he was still her only friend. She wondered why he went away. Was it because if her, or the medication? Either way her self-loathing hit a high mark and took its toll. She stopped taking her anti-hallucinogens because she was in desperate need of someone who gave a crap about her.

That night Regina laid under the covers silently crying when she felt a weight on the bed. She turned over and hit something with her hand. She looked and Regina had hit Dimitri in the face. He looked happy to see her whether or or not she just whacked him across the face. A smile crept across Regina's face as he hugged her. She was tired though. Regina had fallen asleep in his arms.

When the sun woke her up, Regina saw another note on the end table. It read: _Please take your medicine. _She didn't want to take her medicine though. It kept her away for. Dimitri. Then she thought, if you love something don't hold on too tight. Regina knew she was depending too much on him and was going to try to take care of herself. So she got ready for the day, including medicine, and went shopping for groceries.

At the supermarket it was awkward for Regina because she ran into Emma. "Madame mayor..." Emma noticed Regina was tying to avoid all pressure on her left arm. "Are you going to tell me what happened now?" Regina became livid. "Ms. Swan, out of all people... Why should I tell you?" Emma could tell Regina was moody and backed off with an eye roll. Regina bought her groceries and then went to the liquor store to by her absolutely favorite expensive wine.

Once she returned home, she put everything anyway and just stared at the wine bottle. Her plans for it wouldn't happen for another few days, but they were to happen no matter what. Dimitri had asked Regina to continue to take her medicine, so she did. She still wondered to herself why she even listened to her imagination. He felt so much more then a figment of her imagination though. She loved it when he hugged her. She felt affection for him. With him gone though, she really had lost it all.

The next few days were hell for Regina. The one night she was crying and scratching her arm. She just didn't see a point in trying anymore. Dimitri was gone and she just lost it. Knowing her plan and knowing it will happen scared and comforted her. She eventually threw her bloody hands up and said I'm through.

She rinsed off her hands and walked to the kitchen where her pills were. She pulled out the bottle of antidepressants and then went to grab to bottle of wine. She poured the wine and it was a red that matched the blood on her arm. She took sips wine as she popped pills into her mouth. She couldn't take the whole bottle of pills because eventually she blacked out. She felt cold...

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**(There is another part after this)**


	3. Chapter 3

**(New original character introduced. And thanks for reading. New updates may teke a while. Stuggles I'm real life are taking a toll.)**

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Dimitri appeared in her room. He thought it was odd Regina wasn't asleep and then he heard a loud thud. Every possible bad thought raced through his head as he raced to the first floor. He 'calmly' walked into the kitchen to see a passed out queen on the floor. Her skin lost color and her lips were blood red from her drink. Dimitri ran over and knelt beside her. He felt her pulse. It was weakly beating and was fading. He rushed to get the handset phone. He dialed 911.

The sirens pulled up to the mayors home and the firemen broke in. They looked around but no one was there. They looked around till they saw Regina. The carried her out on a stretcher and into the ambulance. She was rushed to the hospital.

While in her state of dying she dreamed. She was surrounded by darkness and fading into it. When her spirit began to weaken even more she begins to become transparent. Before she was completely gone a hand grabbed her pulled her close. "Don't leave me," said the person. It was Dimitri. Regina could recognize his voice anywhere by now. Then another voiced chipped in, "Please don't leave." Regina looked to her side. It was Henry, who was holding her hand. Regina couldn't help but cry. She sobbed and Dimitri held onto her tightly. He never planned on letting her go.

Just then Regina felt an immense pain in her stomach. She didn't want to wake up. She wouldn't wake up till the pain was gone. After the agony of getting her stomach pumped there was a sudden peace. Regina opened her eyes slowly. She looked at the ceiling with her watery eyes. She heard the beeps of the machines around her. She did it, but just like everything else in her life; she failed.

"Regina," said Dr. Whale. "You are almost stable enough that we can move you to your new room. Then we can meet your new doctor." Regina was confused. New doctor? New room? Why did they save her instead of just letting her die. "Where are you gonna take me," Regina asked nonchalantly. When he paused is when Regina gulped down her fear. "You were slipping in and out of consciousness and talking to someone who wasn't there. Regina were you seeing someone who wasn't there?" His voice was unmistakably serious. She started to answer but then she slipped back into the dark.

Regina felt a sudden cold sensation on her skin. She woke up and she was laying on a cold plastic mattress bed. She pulled the covers over top of her. She knew where she was and she despised it. She was in the mental ward. A gentle stroke fell upon her exposed cheek. She reaches up and grasped the person. "Dimitri," she softly cried. There were no windows and only a solid door as he enclosure. There was a desk, chair, and bed. That was all that was in the cell except for Dimitri and herself. No one could see her hugging her imaginary friend.

Deep down though Regina wanted for Dimitri to be real. She wanted more from him. Regina was beginning to fall in love with him. She didn't want to. She didn't want to be hurt again, but something was different about him. Regina felt safe with Dimitri. He sat down next her. He cuddled with her in his arms. Then someone came to unlock the door. Dimitri disappeared and regina fell back on her pillow.

"Dinner time your majesty," said one of the staff. They weren't too kind about it either. Regina got up. Her feet touched the freezing cold floor and it sent a shiver down her spine. Regina was wearing sweat pants and a plain over sized t-shirt. She walked out of the room and to the little sitting area with the rest of patients of the unit were. When she stood at the entrance all eyes were on Regina. She held her left forearm, trying to cover up the damage and out of nervousness.

She looked around at the other patients. None looked all familiar. Whispers went around between the 7 of them. She could hear one say "the queen got what's coming to her" and another say "look the queen of nothing." One though sat in the corner and remained quiet. Regina hobbled her way and sat down at the other end of the table of them. She hoped that it was a was smart move. The patient near her was a young boy not even 20 years old. His hair was dyed teal and had brown eyes. His left arm was scarred like hers. He looked her way and then she looked down at the food presented. Regina lost her appetite. She sat there and stared at it. She felt the stares given to her in her core.

"Hey," the patient paid while poking Regina's right arm playfully. She didn't know how to react to it. So she acted with kindness. Regina didn't know how to fight well so she didn't want one to break out. "Hi," she tried to make a smile at him. "I bet you know who I am, but who are you young man?" He smiled back at her. "I'm Noah. I've always wanted to meet you..." He looked away from the Regina.

She was puzzled. He wanted to meet her? The most hated person in Storybrooke. They talked and Noah released how he ran away from home and found his way into Storybrooke. He was put into the mental ward because he can read people's life stories. He knows a person better then they do, well everyone but himself. Regina wanted to hold him. He was so scared of himself.  
"I've hurt myself and tried to die... A lot, but I keep going because you keep going..." Regina was flabbergasted. No one had ever said anything to her that touched her more. "Me, why me?" Her curiosity was sparked. "Because I saw your past and how you keep going... I don't know how you do it, but if you can I can," Noah looked starry eyed as her spoke to her. Then it was time for medication and bed. Regina was sent straight to her room because she couldn't have anymore medicine in her system due to the overdose. She looked over her shoulder at Noah, who smiled at her. She made a friend.

That night Regina laid in her cold little cot thinking about what she could do to get out of the ward. She tried using magic but only some would work. There wasn't enough to transport her out. Regina got up, took a blanket, and sat under the desk. She stole a toothpick from dinner and started to doodle words into her arm. 'Unwanted' and 'witch' were the next to be drawn in. She then fell asleep underneath the desk.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Regina spent most of the early morning in her room. Then she peeked her head outside her room. The coast was clear. She saw Noah sitting at a table alone. She tried to casually work her way to him but she was caught by the nurse. Regina never had a change to clean off her arm or blood stained hand. The nurse took Regina's arm. "Come on Regina, lets clean you up." The nurse sounded sweet and kind.

The nurse, Maddy, dragged Regina over to the nursing station. She begins to clean Regina's arm. "You know... These aren't true," Maddy said as she points towards the carved words. Regina was surprised that someone was being kind to her. She had a feeling it was true but she couldn't completely tell. Nurse Maddy wrapped up the hurt arm and let Regina go about her confined day.

Later around lunch time Regina was in her room starving herself. The food was too horrible to eat. She sat the desk staring at the wall. A knock then fell upon her door. It opened and Nurse Maddy walked in. "Regina, you have visitors," she said nicely. Regina turned around and saw Henry and Emma walk in. She was mortified and happy to see Henry, but she wished it wasn't these conditions. She got up and Henry walked over and hugged her.

When they came in contact Regina winced. Her hurt arm hit Henry's back, hard. He felt her deft movement. "You okay mom," he asked sincerely. Regina wants to cry. She never wanted Henry to see her like this. Her eyes were watery as she looked at him. "I'm just a little hurt," she said as she stroked his cheek. That was the understatement of her life. She was breaking inside more then ever.

Regina sat on the bed with Henry next to her. Emma was standing in the corner trying to not fall asleep. "Mom, how much longer are you going to be in here?" Henry was worried about Regina. He thought eventually she would be okay, but Regina's mind didn't. They talked and joked to keep the atmosphere from being full of doom. Emma eventually began to fall asleep from boredom. That's when she took Henry home. Regina got a goodbye hug, and that's it. She was alone again.

"Hey," said Dimitri as he appeared next to her. His hand touched her cheek tenderly. "Hi..." Regina responded with a weak smile. Dimitri was concerned. He could see the pain her eyes. "How are you feeling?" He pulled her close to him. Regina remained silent. "Regina, please tell me what's wrong!" She looked away and still remained silent. Dimitri was was beyond worried at this point. He lightly turned her head towards him. "What is wrong."

Regina took a deep breath. "I am hurting because I hurt Henry. All his life I hurt him without knowing, and now he's seeing me hurt. I can't believe how it feels. I feel like I've fucked up even more. " She tucked her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I'm so useless." Regina looked away and hid her face in her hair. She sobbed quietly. Dimitri slowly started to fade. Then Regina caught his hand. "Don't go..."

She sat in his lap and cried. He rested his head on her shoulder. "It's okay... And you're not useless." He was trying to soothe her. Eventually Regina decided to take a nap. She lay her head down on the hard pillow and dreamt. Her mind was filled with dark and evil thoughts. They were stronger then before. She dreamt of her dying. When she awoke she wished it was more then a dream.  
Her mindset for the rest of the day was very macabre. She sat near Noah after her therapy session, which was boring and not helpful. She looked at him. His head was looking down. She poked him playfully. "Noah," she said slowly; trying to make him laugh. He jerked away. Regina felt an instinct to take care of him. She didn't know why but she would act on it.

Regina got up and walked over to him and sat extremely close to him. "Look at me. What is wrong?" She was concerned. The Evil Queen concerned for someone, who knew? Noah looked at her. He had been crying. "I feel like I'm nothing and like I should just end it. No one would care if was gone." He was dead serious. Her heart broke a bit. She really cared for him and she didn't know why. "Look, I would care..." she said quietly. "I just wish I someone could hug me. I know we aren't allowed to so I am stuck hugging myself. Its not the same." He was surprised when the Queen wrapped her arms around him. Some staff came to stop them, but Regina raised a hand to conjure a fireball. They stepped back. Only some magic worked in the hospital, but she couldn't escape using it.

She let Noah go as soon as his sniffles ceased. By that time it was time to sleep. She had slept through dinner. Regina got ready for bed but she couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned in bed, unable to be comfortable. What Noah said played in he head over and over. What bothered her was she feels the same. No one would care if she was gone. "I would care. Henry would care." Dimitri was sitting in the desk's chair. Regina sat up and asked, "Since when can you read minds?" He chuckled and walked over to her. "Since now," he spoke and grinned.

He sat down extremely close to her. She looked at him and bit her lower lip. She didn't want to admit it but she loved Dimitri. She wanted him to be real so badly. "You know I don't have to be visible to everyone to do this." He leaned in close and kissed her softly on the lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Regina then pulled away. She was wondering what she was doing, kissing someone who wasn't real. It felt real though.

"Just say it and I can become real..." Dimitri smiled at Regina. "I know you love me. I always have." Regina's blood rushed to her cheeks making them turn a dark rose color. "And here's a secret... I love you." Regina felt a warmth inside her. She felt happy. She laid down and Dimitri tucked her in like a child. He kissed her forehead and disappeared. When he was fading she whispered, "I wish you were real." Then he was gone. Regina went to sleep with a smile on her face.


End file.
